Vanity is Bliss

It’s been forever, I know, but I just don’t seem to be having time. 

As much as I'd constantly been reminding me that my blog was garnering cobwebs, I never got around to it.

These last 2 months have been insane. Not entirely on the work front as most people might obviously assume, but on the socializing front. *so productive* right?

Then there came along a slack point. 

As all relationships and excessive good times carry along in the background. 

It’s a blind spot.  

Things slow down, interactions become less, and there’s a silent eeriness in the group no one is willing to disturb.

Having hype around is soul-heartening. 

Restlessness I cannot handle. I must either be in drama, or creating one. Not having either by my side makes me want to curl up into myself and explode into a wall. 

Exaggerating much? Maybe. 

Either it’s for one thing, or another, I MUST be out, allowing myself to be pulled into the addictive entertainment outside of my work life.

There are times when I feel so lost though. I don’t know where I 

belong. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be the way I am. I go into inept debates with my brain and come to temporary conclusion that I should just shut up and stay oblivious to my surroundings.

It doesn’t happen.

I start to question whether or not I belong to the cliques I’m with. I question my standpoint towards situations. My wind whirls and tumbles into a dark hole and I scrunch up hating the world for making me feel this way.

I try to un-plug the little nagging notes of contemplation away and imagine myself on the beach.

Alone. No worries. Just me and my peace-filled thoughts. What fun is there in that again?

I’m turning bi-polar.

I need to sit back and relax. Be happy with what I have and not worry about irrelevant editions of stupidity that I cannot revolutionize.

I am above all – is what I should I think to make myself feel better about the non-responsive of the current state of affairs.

Yes, I think I'll do that.

Vanity is bliss.