Thirst

Thirst

Night times are the worst. It’s the hour of danger, and in my case, it’s the hour of thirst.

I drink water before I go to bed, although it’s recommended that we don’t.  

I keep a full glass of water on my table and fall asleep but sometime during the night, I awaken – to thirst.

The dryness constricts my throat and my impulse forces me to jerk up and stretch over to the glass.

I sleep.

....

I wake up once more for another gulp that I know will end the contents of the glass.

I sleep again....

.....

....

..... only to be awakened.

I know the glass is empty.

I must now take off the blanket that I am ever so protected beneath and expose myself to the chill beyond my room.

I feel like a zombie now, not able to see what is before me I bump slightly into the wall on the way out.  Heading into the kitchen I don’t turn on the light as the pain to turn it off will haunt me in the seconds I’m there.

I fill my glass assuming the water reached the rim and walk out carefully. 

On the way in, I bump into the wall again.

I can’t comprehend what ever feeling of hurt I might have undergone because my brain is dead and my eyes refuse to stay apart.

Slamming the glass down, I fall onto my bed allowing myself to be entangled within the sheets to a not so perfect sleep.

You Have Been Banished.

Talking about my vacation is probably not a good idea.  Why? When I have to explain something so vast, I’d have to make sure I won’t miss out on any details and it’s such an enormous thing to write about. 

If I did miss something, it would be incomplete and I’m paranoid that everything requires an explanation or the essence of that event is not justified.  Hence, I will not be writing about my vacation [which I am currently still on and enjoying].

Realization. 

Sometimes good, sometimes bad.  8 years does a lot to a person. It changes them for the better and sometimes it changes them for the worse.  

What was I thinking when I thought people would be as ecstatic as me? Was my assumption of them throwing everything aside to meet me a little over the top?  

I know a lot of people and a lot of people did I wish to visit.  Only some stayed true to their feelings and the others decided to not let me know either way.  

That hurt me. 

When you said you’d do something and then go off the grid, it leaves me confused if not frustrated.  Why would you say something like that and then decide to not communicate later? 

When I came here, I was happy. 

Happy that maybe people have grown up and changed, but no.  People have grown meaner.  I had to erase some of them when I came here and although it was painful, I realized that you shouldn’t treat someone like a celebrity. 

Some of us are on very different levels.

I higher than them. Vanity? No. just the facts of life laid across in front of me.

What can I do? 

Nothing.

Accept it, never look back and move on.  My real friends told me to not worry about it.  I am grateful for the remaining friends I have here who always genuinely looked forward to meeting me. 

Why did I think I needed to be associated with everyone else? I don’t know.

I am here right now, with the people who want to be with me. I am with people where our feelings our mutual.

My advice? Do not run around people who you have to constantly remind about your presence.

I can’t wait to meet the rest of my friends, and I mean my real friends.

As for you, you have now been banished from my life.

The Walk

A cartoony making his way across the sidewalk and back.  Nothing more to it. Why did I want to do it?  I don't know.

There are times when I want to do the weirdest of the weirdest things, I get too fascinated with something and doing it becomes my temporary life goal. 

Therefore, this video.  

Enjoy

Another Stupid Encounter

There are times when guys act so insensitive that I start to question all of guy-kind’s mentality.  Although I’ve addressed many situations with a duller than a dead corpse response, today's incident was just insensitive, so pathetic that to address it would bring me down to lowest level of foolishness.

I’m on Facebook, just like the other millions of people, minding my own business (and watching others since it’s so publicly out there).  Maybe my mind wasn’t in the right place when I added him but I did add “ Person X” just because the mutual friends were quite high. 

  And so I forgot about him like I do to a lot of people I don’t generally know more than by mere recognition of face.

A conversation sparks off like this :

Person X: Hey hottie

Me : I’m sorry, I don’t really know you [which is kind of weird since I did end up adding him]

Person X: You don’t know me???? Everyone knows me.

Me: I don’t.

Person X: That’s okay; you’re a mutual friend of Person Y

Me: Yea so? Do I know you personally? [I at this point realized I knew him but decided to not give in since I really wanted him to bring his precious ego down]

Person X: Does that matter?

[Desperateness now creeps in]

Me: Yes it does. Were you in my school?

Person X: I was called SPT. [Initials changed]

Me: Oh, so you are 5 years senior to me, I remember now that I saw you once or twice in school

Person X: Exactly. So how are your friends? How is Person Z, are you in touch with her?

[At this point, I wanted to take out a saw and butcher his neck.  Forget asking how I was, but rather jumped into how my friends were.  If that was what he wanted to know, Facebook has invented something called a “search box” that allows its users to search for people and directly message them.  How his brain hasn’t evolved is not a matter of shock to me but yet it pleased me to know that I had thought right about him]

Me: <No reply>

Person X : >.<

Me: <No reply>

Person X: ok fine, bye.

Me: <No reply>

30 seconds later ….

Person X: You look really different [An attempt to revive the conversation]

Me:  (:

THE END

Don’t let guys like that have the info they want.  It’s an insult to your intelligence.  Flick them away like you’d snap your fingers.

A Visit Back To The Old World

Hello everyone!  My apologies for a very late post.  I've just been very busy with the packing and the travel which has now led me, after a day’s flight, in Canada! 

It's been a week since I came, and yes, the thought should have crept into my head, that my blog does exist to be updated, but my excitement of coming back in 8 years prevented me to do anything but give out occasional screams - a reaction to the reality I’m in now.

Etihad Airways was kind, if not a little cramped.  I ended up watching movies the whole time- a catch up.  The food was alright, although I did expect more than just plain butter on my bread. Jam was not up to my expectation.  

I was thinking more on the lines of macaroni and cheese.

Abu Dhabi was our stop-over. Clicked a picture of this architectural refinement here. If only all buildings were made as such.  Walking through the airports brought back the times of when I walked the same to another outlandish country that I never dreamt of living in.  It was always a thought thrown here or there amidst the conversation the grown-ups used to  have, but life settled in, and now I walk back.  Nostalgia, maybe. 

Back again on Etihad Airways to make my way to Toronto - the unfinished story of a 6th grader.  To meet friends who were always with me, and just to meet others to see how the rest of Chester was doing was what I longed to see the most.  

Progression, how much has it overcome them, how far have they trodden, and how far have I come? What had happened since I left?  So many miniscule yet significant things I needed to know to bring closure. 

 Containing it became difficult as the plane landed at the Toronto airport,  My then-escape from 6th grade’s mean remarks and utterly low, but considered high expectations.  Back to continue where I left off? No.  

Coldness.  The first thing I could feel and think of.  I forgot how cold this place used to be, yet again we forget so much in such short amount of time, this was nothing.  

Walking out of that terminal and out to meet my dad who was waiting, we went home. 

I am excited for what Canada has to give back to me, and what I have to give back to her.

Day #7374

My creative juices have become immobile. I don’t know why.

 In the past I had this urge to blog about everything that offended me on my way to work, at work, college and on the way back home.

 I guess I’ve become lax.

 I seem to not take things personally. Maybe I’m losing my connection with the real world, something like being absorbed in the future I always look forward to by neglecting the present. 

How is that possible when I’m living in the contemporary?

 Going through the twinge of seeing absurdness every day and not being able to throw everybody over the railing is putting me on the brink.

 I’m drifting away.  Not giving into the addictive web of prejudicial-interest that everyone around me seems to enjoy.

I’m tired, yet I write, knowing that somehow this might be the only productive piece I can think of in who knows how long again.

I want a cookie. Chocolate. If I could think that and someone brought me one sensing my telepathic needs, I’d grin, on the inside of course.

Don’t want to give out how surprised I look when they realize I don‘t know how to use my own powers.

It rains. Has been for the last week or so, making the days dis-heartening.  I step out, stare at the sky that gives it’s puffy grey smile, I come to that conclusion where somehow the white parts are the sky’s gums. Blue’s brother, grey.

*Sigh*

Mother Nature, control your kids.

I wait for my hot coffee, to stop the headache I’ve been having since I came home, I doze off instead on my cold bed, trying to look up and think about vital issues of the world.

 Nothing seems more relevant than to just close my eyes and dive into the world of the un-real.

Oh, and I did watch Alice in Wonderland yesterday.

Idiocy

 Before I start off with my views and thoughts about the whole world, I'd like to (for the first time) mention someone very special here. The Anon Blogger - the name she goes by with, has been one of my most faithful followers. She has always read my posts and has been very supportive. She writes amazing stuff and if you check out the earlier posts, they have bonus content too! My personal fav being Time Stops, Aliens Invade is one that you guys should definitely see. So don't forget to check it out!


Now back to me.

 Idiocy. A thing that lies in people, and I mean every one of them. It’s just a matter of time and, nature of a situation that the imprudent character strikes. 

All logic failing to bring it back on track.

 That moment when the brain stops listening to reason.  

 Rationality is overlooked and the person standing opposite to you most likely will undergo feelings of exasperation. 

A person, who you think can make out a leaf from grass, cannot make out the difference between the ridiculous and the habitual. 

 Such an over-powering characteristic embedded in us. Why shouldn’t our lucidity prevail first before we overthink a moment? Despite all the thought, the most senseless decisions are taken being backed by the pitiful excuses.

“Why couldn’t you have said no when he asked you to move? That was your spot.”

 “Umm, well, I guess he really liked that spot”. 

A slap I could give echoes over the mountains. 

Of course, it’s all being played in my head – the only stage for my kind of dramatic acts. I don’t have a choice but to endure all this. A responsibility that comes when you are bonded to someone in some way. 

Idiocy, a trait that is extremely intolerable, clearly more perceptible in others than some, but when it comes to us, it is in no way invalid.

To Put it Simply.

I am so bored.

What if I could fly? I wouldn't be bored, ever.

I hate cockroaches. They scare me.

And I'm bored again.

My Cold & A Rubber-band

Normally I tend to wake up around 730 am, go down, have my tea, take a bath, breakfast and then work. Today morning was supposed to be the same, but because of my cold it wasn’t. I get colds at the slightest change in weather. Bad immunity? Maybe. So I have been suffering endlessly since yesterday. I came home, fever starting to brew in me. Mum gave me a high dose pill and I slept like a log.

It was all fine, but when I got up, still feeling like the pill was working itself, it was 820.

 My head hurt. I ran downstairs to have my morning tea and asked mum why she couldn’t wake me up earlier. She wanted me to take rest. Mum’s. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling all that great even after the pill. Like the world was spinning in front of me, I still decided to get ready for work (cause I love what I do).

Managing the day wouldn’t be a big deal, but my parents thought otherwise.

I come down, and my sister (who has a holiday for an exam tomorrow) told me not to go, trying to make me believe that I was so un-well I could faint any second. Not taking much notice to her dramatic statement, I went into the kitchen. Mum was making lunch for me and at the same time was telling me not to go to work. What is it with everyone? I am fine. I’ll manage it. All the while, during the process of my lunch-making she was telling me to call in sick.

 NO mom, you made lunch for me. I have to go for that atleast.

 I was asking for a rubber band to tie this newspaper; in the background of all the endless denials towards me. My need was subjugated. Then my sister goes up to my dad and tells him I’m not feeling well. 

Dad, being extremely cautious would not stand for a second if my health hindered, let it be a cold, or even the slightest paper cut. 

"Don’t go". Simple. The same words I’ve been hearing for the last 20 minutes.

I have a deadline at work.

 I still needed the rubber band to tie the newspaper around my lunch box (because it would leak otherwise and I keep forgetting to buy Tupperware). Now slightly increasing the pitch I asked for it.

Dad tells me to keep my voice down or I’ll lose energy. Everyone’s talking at once about how I can miss one day of work and how the entire company isn’t only running on profits because of me.

My rubber band.

 Go find it, it’s somewhere in the back.

 Fed up, I left them to their talking and mutual agreement against me. Could not find it. My sister starts her act again and for the last time I ask for the rubber band. Everyone now has finished complaining how I don’t look after my health and in my face decide for me I should stay at home and take rest. (Although that led me to this).

 I slammed by box down on the table. It’s been decided. I’m not going anywhere.

 So much for the rubber band now.

Looking Out

As I sit, eating the puff that was given to me, I look at the huge grilled, netted window; It's 615pm.  The rain coming to an end, the sun made a guest-appearance for the evening, indicating the last life it had for the day. It shined lazily trying to complete a formality. The sky was not all grey and hues of pink streaked it. 

Bored, I looked out and I don’t know if the tree was always like that or whether the lime green leaves just happened to pop out amidst the color variation, but it seemed like a familiar setting.

 A puppet setting. When I was a kid I used to watch shows that had this kind of setting. 

The grey and pink sky looking velvety and the tree looking like it was made of clay. It seemed unrealistic... 

Just a stare at the limited scenery I had in front of me took me to a moment I rarely bring back, except when my mum talks about them. I’m sure she missed the younger, more innocent me.  

I always seem to drift away to long lost thoughts when I’m occupied with subservient assignments. Makes me feel like I’m doing something sensible, something that will lead to another blog at least, although I shouldn't. Yet I am, and I write, although stacks of documents in front of me wait to be checked.

 My colleague passes from behind to take a few things and I quickly change back to the word screen the second he turns his back. 

 Trying for a proper ending to this sudden post, I think. I can’t manage to write a befitting ending to it. Maybe I should just end it as abruptly as I started it.

Drift To The Barren

 I look far and beyond in my mind and find my imagination takes me to lonesome ruined places. Places where nothing exists. There was a once for it, now it is hollow. Although it’s sunny, and the water runs under the small walkover bridge, although the grass is green and the trees are standing, there is incompleteness. A black void has been created over the times. A distress that can’t be covered by just positioning the good entities there. There is no life where my mind takes me. I don’t know why I ventured out there … I don’t know why I dared to cross the periphery but I have, and the vicinity I am in does not intimidate me for I know I am not being watched by anything. My only companion being my shadow, I walk forward to the top of the green hill. Everything seems superficial. There is no soul here, I reach the top and look far ahead at the barren land. Nothing. 

Melancholy engulfs the lifeless panorama. The wind seems to blow past me and stops as soon as it touches the dreary land. This part I would not have seen had I not walked up and to see the view. How things look deceitful from far. I knew something was wrong with this place but why did I decide to see it for myself? I have wandered far enough to realize that a miserable path lies in front of me shall I choose to cross the invisible barbed border between the foot of the hill and the lifeless beyond. I know better than to think of what would happen in case I traverse. I turn around, and walk down the hill. The eeriness not failing to leave during any moment of my stay. A portal to where I initially came from stands , echoing me to walk back through, to reality, to a safe place, and I give a one last look to my uncanny involvement from behind and walk through the gateway.

A Tribute.

Friend. 

During work - Sakshi (right) & I (obviously to the left)

This one word comes out of everyone’s mouth at least once a day, sometimes more loosely than the actual meaning of it and sometimes not,as well as sometimes being pointed at to something that might not be of the same species at all!  For example, the ball was Tom Hank’s best friend in Cast Away, and Hachiko’s best friend was a human, the young boy’s only friend in the end was the stump from the Giving Tree. 

A friend can be anything, anyone.  

It reads : "To: The B, Rockstars, <3 Sakshi :*"

Today, I write to you to honor my best friend Sakshi.  She has been with me through all the ups and down and handled my craziness from the very start to the end. If there is something she doesn’t know, it’s probably nothing.  On the event of friendship day I looked back to all those years and smiled at the gradual understanding of the word “friend”. Friend ship day, then, was all about the number of bands I got and how much I was able to show them off. Once I was out of school did I realize that it wasn’t the number of bands but rather the number of real friends I’ve had and the number real friends I should try to maintain around me. They are my force-field and I know that no one can pierce it if they’re there.

It reads: " Happy friendship day!! We'll always be together and ROCK
the world with our crazinessand give SHOCKS to people!!
P.S. I hope you know what the 'B' stands for ;)

Although our friend ship is only 2 years old, it has become strong enough to last a lifetime and for that I am grateful. Being the sweetheart she is, she took up time to make me a card and I am now showing it off here. We are just as major contrasts to each other as we are similar. We gel and that’s all that matters.

Paint-made heart.

Sakshi, thank you so much for being my best friend and my support all the way, and although this might be a minuscule tribute, it is meant ONLY for you and for the long years ahead that awaits our craziness. 
Love you babe. <3

Being 20.

My birthday was this week (27/7) and that's right I’m 20!!! Lost my teenity and I’m feeling a little bad about it. Once I hit 20 I know that people are going to look at me differently but it doesn’t work like that. As soon as the clock strikes 12 I’m not transformed into this adult. It takes time for the teen-ness to wear off. I’m just me. Just a year older. Only the number changed. I don’t know. I kind of feel cool that I’m 20, but at the same time I know I’m nearing events I don't want to go to just yet. (another story all together) I still want to be 16 (dream on, I know). Anyway, since I’m 20, let’s talk about how I managed to make it memory worthy.

I didn’t really want to have a huge party. As you grow old, you want people who really care for you to be around. I had just that this time but still, there was a small thought stuck at the back of my head constantly making me wonder about something.

You call a person to a party, and you expect them to come (obvious case with everyone) but the list I made had a set of people I really wanted to come and a set of people who if they'd come would have been nice but not coming wouldn't have really made a difference. (Yea, I know, why even call them in the 1st place, still I don't know. if I’m called to their parties I see it as an implied obligation to call them back. #politeness). So...up until the last 2 days I was making the list, fussing about my dress, and after checking out a million outfits I decided on one, rather 2 but oh well (you only see one outfit here though). 

The list. When I was making it I was sure that all the people who I really wanted to come would, cause I’m turning 20 and it’s a huge number. I thought it would be great. Things started taking a dip when one after the other my friends started backing out AFTER they had promised they'd come. It hurts my feelings. Some of them even called me on my birth-day and told me they couldn't make it. Made me feel a little angry too. I couldn’t help it. I tried all ways to convince them but no. some of them just couldn’t make it. I wasn’t really excited after wards when my original plan of 15 turned to 10.

Why would you do that?! 

I have friends who will stick by me no matter the situation and its complexity. They showed up. I LOVE THEM FOR THAT and let me tell you that the only reason my party seemed as interesting as it was, was only cause of them. 

I was all the happier when my school (middle-school) friends showed up, although late, I was content. It was a simple party. A little bowling, and little eating, a little socializing. All in all, I had fun and I really hope that all my friends who came had just a good time too. 

When I came home, it was family picture time and we took it along with our 2 doggies (Rocky & Juni). :D

It was a nice day.

To all those who couldn’t come, it’s sad and although it doesn’t effect you it did hurt my feelings. I will get over it but next time I won’t expect too much. 

All smiles.